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If you're feeling confused, frustrated and uncertain about where you stand with the guy that you're seriously into, it's worth checking for red flag signs that indicate you're just romantic partner insurance.

When you give a lot to one person and get nothing in return, there's a chance that your POI simply views you as his backup lover. Thinking that you're lucky that at least he's choosing you over other guys won't alter the fact that you're not his number one.

Backup lover red flags:

1. You're on his schedule

It's definitely a big red flag if your lover only wants to see you when it's convenient for him. A guy who only reaches out to you when he's feeling horny, lonely or bored clearly doesn't consider you to be a top priority in his life.

Your lover is also disrespecting you if he has a flaky behaviour habit, and frequently cancels plans or is no show. Because you're just a backup option for him, he's not bothered about how his actions make you feel.

A lover who's genuinely interested in you will make time for you in his busy schedule. He'll be willing to sacrifice other commitments too, just to spend quality time in your company.

2. You're his dirty little secret

Even if you guys are not yet officially dating, your lover should at least introduce you as a friend, when you're seen out together in public. If he avoids socialising with his friends, when he's with you, it could be because he considers you to be his dirty little secret.

He will never see a long-term future with a backup lover who is content to let him do as he pleases. You need to accept that he's in this situationship with you just for the sex.

A lover who values a relationship with you, and treats you like his significant other, will want to include you in everything in his life.

3. He's otherwise engaged

When your lover privately views the relationship as being nothing more than temporary, he's likely to exhibit distracted or uninterested behaviour. He's got no interest in you or your life, and will switch off the second that you start telling him about your day.

It's a sadly a fact that if he's otherwise engaged in pursuing new potential lovers, or personal interests, he's not going to give you his full attention and focus during the rare occasions where you do hook up.

You deserve to find someone who values and prioritises intimacy with you, and who will put in their share of the effort to establish a healthy and happy relationship.

4. He's emotionally distant

A guy who doesn't want to fully commit to just one person will typically be emotionally distant in the connection. He'll happily engage in flirty banter but will remain distant and guarded with you, if you try to probe any deeper into his personal life. While a lack of emotional investment can mean that he's afraid of getting too attached, it's also a sign that this guy is keeping his options open.

A guy who doesn't want to fully commit to just one person will typically be emotionally distant in the connection. If you've been dating for a while and you've yet to progress beyond the general getting to know you pleasantries of the first few dates, it's best to accept this connection is a learning experience and to move on.

5. He's still actively dating

If he's still actively dating and pursuing other guys, the sign couldn't be any clearer that you're not his top choice. Because this guy loves to keep his options open, he won't feel obligated to tell his backup lover (that's you!) that he doesn't see the two of you as being in a committed relationship, ever.

Cut your losses and get ready to move on to someone who sees you as their number one.

If the backup lover red flags listed above resonate with your current relationship or situationship, it's time to cut the ties and not settle for someone who doesn't value you and your time. On the Gay Chat Zone – the UK's busiest gay phone chat line service - you can easily connect with real men who won't treat you like you're second best.